Prenups and Partnership: Navigating Emotional Terrain in Couples Therapy
Prenuptial agreements, commonly referred to as prenups, are legal contracts signed before marriage that outline how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce. While practical from a legal standpoint, prenups can stir deep emotional reactions and relational tension. As a therapist working with couples, I often find that conversations about whether or not to enter into a prenup agreement are rarely only about money. They are typically about trust, values, security and future expectations.
More Than a Legal Document: What a Prenup Represents
When a couple begins therapy around the issue of a prenup, one partner may feel it’s a reasonable and appropriate way of protecting assets or family inheritance, while the other may interpret it as a lack of faith in the relationship or fear of abandonment. These are not legal concerns— they are emotional ones that deserve attention and empathy.
Clashing Perspectives: Trust, Security, and Symbolism
In sessions, I guide couples to explore what the prenup symbolizes to each of them. Is it about financial independence, protecting children from a previous marriage or anxiety about a previous divorce where one person was negatively impacted by a loss of financial security and does not want to endure that trauma again. In addition, it can represent a fear of being undervalued.
Therapy as a Space for Difficult Conversations
In couples therapy. we do not focus on the document, but rather on the emotions that underlie the tensions that are being stirred up. The goal is to foster open communication, reduce defensiveness, and ensure that each partner feels heard, valued and respected.
Beyond the Paper: Naming Fears, Building Trust
When both people can express their fears and concerns honestly the prenup becomes less of a battleground and more of a conversation about how to plan for the future together. I sometimes encourage couples to bring in a collaborative legal team when the conflict is high, but the emotional work done in therapy—building trust, clarifying intensions and making space for vulnerability is just as crucial.
Turning Conflict into Connection
A prenup should not be a wedge between partners. With honest dialogue it can actually strengthen a relationship by forcing hard conversations that ultimately build resilience, respect and clarity. When both partners feel heard and understood, the process of creating a prenup can become a shared act of intentionality—one that honors each person’s values while reinforcing a mutual commitment to the relationship.
Honoring Love While Embracing Complexity
At its core, navigating a prenup in couples therapy isn’t about taking sides or diluting love with legal language. It’s about creating space for vulnerability, values, and future vision to coexist. When handled with care and curiosity, a prenup can become a catalyst for growth rather than a barrier to intimacy. As couples bravely explore the meanings behind their fears, desires, and boundaries, they often uncover a deeper foundation of trust—one not built on avoidance, but on honest engagement. Therapy offers the unique opportunity to transform what feels like a point of division into a moment of profound connection.
If you and your partner are facing complex conversations around a prenup—or simply want support navigating important relationship decisions—Park Slope Therapy is here to help. Reach out today to begin your journey toward clarity, compassion, and deeper connection.
